


A Short Interview With Harcourt Fenton Mudd III

by Aashlee_Elizabeth



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Aashlee Elizabeth, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 12:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aashlee_Elizabeth/pseuds/Aashlee_Elizabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Terra Today</em> reporter Strattah Zvier interviews one of the quadrant’s most notorious characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Short Interview With Harcourt Fenton Mudd III

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Neither Harry Mudd nor I can claim ownership of _Star Trek_ or its characters, nor will we profit from this goofy short that I wrote waaay back in college (though I wouldn't put it past Harry to try).

We join _Terra Today_ reporter Strattah Zvier as she sits down with the notorious Harcourt Fenton Mudd III...

 **Strattah Zvier:** Thank you for taking this time to be with us, Mr. Mudd.

 **Harry Mudd:** My pleasure. Just “Harry,” if you please.

 **SZ:** OK, Harry. Last week the Federation Bureau of Criminal Affairs named you to its list of most disruptive felons. Harry, do you believe that you merit this distinction?

 **HFM:** That all depends on how you define “felon,” my dear. You see, a felon is someone who goes about the galaxy engaging in egregious acts of larceny, fraud, terror, and the like. I’d _never_ go about causing any _terror_.

 **SZ:** Only to your jailers, perhaps. You have to admit that many of your activities have been disruptive.

 **HFM:** Not in the least. I am a businessman. I travel the galaxy in search of rare and unique treasures that catch the eye and heart of many a prospective buyer.

 **SZ:** You call the three stolen spacerunners last month “rare and unique treasures”?

 **HFM:** Those spaceships were not stolen!... _Weeellll,_ not in terms of that world’s colloquial definition. I had _no idea_ that they belonged to anybody.

 **SZ:** Why is that?

 **HFM:** Because there was nobody in them!

 **SZ:** So you “borrowed” them.

 **HFM:** Well, yes…

 **SZ:** It didn’t occur to you that they were just parked?

 **HFM:** I can’t say it did at the time. However. when I realized my mistake. I tried to pilot the one ship back to its parking port

 **SZ:** In the opposite direction with the two others in tow?

 **HFM:** Well. I got lost!

 **SZ:** C’mon, Harry! Did you think the police were going to believe that?

 **HFM:** Any reasonable being would have. But those redshirts have no understanding of human nature at all!

 **SZ:** On the contrary. Harry. I think they understand you all too well. If one of the rehab colonies—

 **HFM:** —They have no understanding of human nature, either! I should know. I’ve been to several.

 **SZ:** It doesn’t seem to have been much help.

 **HFM:** True. I don’t know why they keep sending me back. They’d save a lot of taxpayer money by not sending me there at all.

 **SZ:** And let you go to roam the galaxy at will?

 **HFM:** That was the idea….

 **SZ:** Do you think you’ll roam free again?

 **HFM:** I don’t think I could answer that one “yes” or “no.” You see, there is always hope that they will catch on someday. I am an eternal optimist.

 **SZ:** So are the police. That’s why they keep sending you to those rehab colonies.

 **HFM:** Really?… I wish they wouldn’t be so optimistic.

 **SZ:** Are you saying that there’s no hope for you?

 **HFM:** Of course there’s hope for me! I am who I’ve always hoped to be.

 **SZ:** How you ever imagined, much less hoped for, your current condition is amazing.

 **HFM:** I am amazing, aren’t I?

 **SZ:** Some might prefer other terms.

 **HFM:** You know, the only problem with the universe is that it has no sense of humor.

 **SZ:** How do you explain your existence then?

 **HFM:** A stroke of good luck. I am a messenger, a teacher. Someone has to instill some humor into this place!

 **SZ:** And you’re just the person to do it, too. Thank you for taking time to talk to us.

 **HFM:** My pleasure.

 


End file.
